SHORTHAND FOR JOB SEEKERS with Candice Sundkvist

COMPETITIVE SALARY: We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
FLEXIBLE HOURS: Work 55 hours; get paid for 37.5.
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want you to do.
ABILITY TO HANDLE A HEAVY WORKLOAD: You whine, you're fired.
CAREER-MINDED:We expect that you will want to flip hamburgers until you are 70.
SELF-MOTIVATED:Management won't answer questions
SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:Some time each night and some time each weekend
DUTIES WILL VARY:Anyone in the office can boss you around.
COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT:We have a lot of turnover.
SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER:We're not going to supply you with leads; there's no base salary; you'll wait 30 days for your first commission check.
CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE: We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
SOME PUBLIC RELATIONS REQUIRED:If we're in trouble, you'll go on TV and get us out of it.
SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.