TINA NUNES IS AWARDED INTERNATIONAL PATENT

Durban Finance Manger, Tina Nunes has won an international patent for her anti-car theft device. The device takes an hour to fit and has 100% money back guarantee. The product has been launched under the name, "n boer maak 'n plan". Please contact her for trade inquiries. Manpower staff get a 10% discount.

This is a parody and should not be taken seriously.

LEKNATH PADDY WHACK

We were not sure what to entitle this posting - it went from, "the hole that Ian made" to "Leknath Paddy Wack". You see, the story behind this curious event is that Pravesh (aka Leknath) made a single placement to the value of R85,200 shattering all Durban General records. Ian recognised his achievement by sending out a national email to Manpower. The result was that Pravesh's head started swelling to the point that Durban General had to consider renting the offices next door to store his swollen head (and macho ego). Ian, being the eternal miser, decided to rather remove two ceiling boards in the roof to accomodate his swollen appendage (definition: An appendage in the broadest sense is an additional or subsidiary part existing on, or added to, something which can generally still function if the appendage has never existed or is later provided or grown, or will still perform a primary function if the appendage is removed). Please note that no ceiling boards were harmed in the process and will be replaced once the 'ego has landed'.

MEET MISS MANPOWER EASTER BUNNY 2008

Bryanston Technical Engineering are pleased to announce

Manpower Miss Easter Bunny 2008

award goes to

GUGU MADINANE

CAPE TOWN NORTH LEADS IN EASTER INNOVATION DRIVE

Amanda and her team had a wonderful idea for an easter drive. Beacon had the slogan, "let the hunt begin" printed on the eggs and Cape Town North were quick to capitalize on this with a slogan of their own, "let us do the hunting for you". They delivered 100 eggs with the attached card. The idea was quickly 'stolen' by Durban General & Durban Finance.

MARCH LAUGH

We have included a video for your March laugh. Press play and give it some time to load. If the streaming starts and stops leave it to stream right through to the end and then press play again.

Certain people have said that this dancer looks like one unmentioned manager in Manpower. For an extra laugh: Which male manager at Manpower does this 'exotic' dancer remind you of (JP, Rodney or Ian?) Leave your comment on who it reminds you MOST of.

SHORTHAND FOR JOB SEEKERS with Candice Sundkvist

COMPETITIVE SALARY: We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
FLEXIBLE HOURS: Work 55 hours; get paid for 37.5.
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want you to do.
ABILITY TO HANDLE A HEAVY WORKLOAD: You whine, you're fired.
CAREER-MINDED:We expect that you will want to flip hamburgers until you are 70.
SELF-MOTIVATED:Management won't answer questions
SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:Some time each night and some time each weekend
DUTIES WILL VARY:Anyone in the office can boss you around.
COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT:We have a lot of turnover.
SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER:We're not going to supply you with leads; there's no base salary; you'll wait 30 days for your first commission check.
CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE: We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
SOME PUBLIC RELATIONS REQUIRED:If we're in trouble, you'll go on TV and get us out of it.
SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

THE OTHER SIDE OF LIFE - top 10 sayings that we'd like to see on those office inspitational posters

Submitted by Candice Sundkvist (with tongue-in-cheek)

1. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.


2. If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.


3. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.


4. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.


5. Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity


6. A person who smiles in the face of adversity...probably has a scapegoat.


7. Plagarism saves time.


8. If at first you don't succeed, try management.


9. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.


10. TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.